Is it a covenant, or a romantic notion? With divorce at an all time record high in history, why do we bother any more to ‘seal the deal’ and ‘tie the knot’. The latter quite possibly sums up what marriage does to relationship, puts a great big knot in it!
Does marriage breed complacency through the safety of knowing the ring is on, ownership aquired, he/she is MINE! Is this the beginning of the end? Should two people choose to commit to the covenant of marriage (inevitably a bloody long time) or simply reside under the same roof? Would couples be better off just living together until the novelty wears off, the lust dies down, and whatever is left over analysed for compatibility to endure a future together? Isn’t this what happens anyway?
Well this I do know, there is no recipe for a lasting marriage because the mix is always different. No marriage between two people could ever be compared to another for that very reason; the cocktail is always a very different concoction. From Bloody Mary’s, Harvey Wall Bangers and Screwdrivers, to Tom & Jerry’s, Orgasms, Sweet Dreams and Hanky Pankys. Life together is the elixer.
William Blake, the nineteenth century artist and poet during the Romantic period, wrote that “marriage was a form of unpaid prostitution and slavery”. I am sure that he was referring to his own wife in both contexts owing to her household and nuptial duties, however these days I am sure that the male in a marriage could indeed be the slave; to his job, and the financial toll of marriage, not to mention renovating and maintaining the home.
But there are rewards for the effort as well, for marriage is an institution. But I use the term endearingly in that it is usually for the creation of something larger than the individual; the sum of two parts being greater than one. It is a safety net for the clan, of building a home and life in which we instil values for children, share wonderful life events and create memories. When we enter a marriage we trust that our partner will honour the convenant. We trust that they will respect the bond of love which brought them together which in turn offers a natural and lasting fidelity along with home and financial security.
Marriage is also a commitment to establishing a network of friends, like minded individuals you can connect with to enhance your social life and create more wonderful memories. If you don’t have friends in your life together, and common interests, then the marriage runs the risk of becoming a vacuous black hole, which inevitably sucks the life out of each of you because of too much pressure to perform in all aspects of life (and relationship).
Whist marriage is the institution, relationship is the foundation, and if this is not right, then the marriage is doomed to crumble.
For me, marriage is TRUST, implicitly, and without it there is nothing!
T: Truth R: Respect U: Universality S: Security T: Tenacity
Having been around the block twice now (in the marriage stakes), I have come to the conclusion that I am a 10 year serial monogamist. I also think that this is a pretty good innings in today’s climate of exponential longevity. Both of my marriages were so different, almost to the point of being seasonal. For a reason and only a season. The first was to bear and raise children, and I chose a good man who was a good provider. Wise women will do that. The second marriage was to learn how to be on my own. I chose a good man once again, but he wanted to own me and become his chattel, much as William Blake had described. I eventually worked out the mistake / lesson, and made my own way, once again.
I have recently listened to Jane Fonda espouse the fact that it was not until she was 65 that she worked out how to be on her own – without a man. She left a perfectly good marriage as she describes it, so that she could just be her own person. In this day and age of so much choice, there is a growing movement towards ‘singledom’, which I feel describes where I am. But, and it is a big BUT, I still crave the idea of having a partner, not necessary a marriage, but a companion in life. And I feel that this is just a part of simply being human.
Curious about when ‘Marriage’ was invented, I came across this statement from my research: Most ancient societies needed a secure environment for the perpetuation of the species, a system of rules to handle the granting of property rights, and the protection of bloodlines, and the institution of marriage handled these needs. The earliest recorded marriage records go back to 2350 BC in ancient Mesopotamia.
I still respect the institution of marriage, for all the benefits it provides the family unit, which was precisely why it was invented. But it is not necessarily relevant for many people living individual lives.
As the author of this work I (Barbara Harkness) acknowledge the moral rights to the above have been asserted with the copyright, designs and patents act 1988. If you wish to use any of my material you may contact me for permission.
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