Relationship is reflection, in that we experience seeing and knowing ourselves through the intimacy of our partnership with a chosen mate.
When we are in a loving caring responsible relationship, what we see is the expression of love and it makes us feel good about ourselves as we go about our day. Yes, we are 10ft tall gods walking with our heads in the clouds!
When we are in a destructive relationship what we see are the negative traits we dislike about ourselves, and we become 4ft nothing midgets with hairy hunchbacks and a bad limp!
Love is ‘flow’, giving-receiving. When all the flow is outward and not reciprocated it runs away and eventually becomes a trickle. Anyone who tries to imprison love will cut off the spring that feeds it, and the trapped water will grow stagnant and rank.
It is not that we cannot be who we want to be in relationship, it is simply that the expectations we put upon ourselves and our partner (in the relationship) don’t allow for the time to dedicate to our own development.
I have spent the past 11 years being the perfect partner to my husband, doing it all by the book, fulfilling the expectations we created when we first fell in love. After all, that’s part of the agreement, right? This is what you get when you marry or commit to a live in relationship, all the attributes you presented to your partner were what you thought you were getting in the deal. But yes people do change, and quite often ‘grow into each other’, and maybe this is a sign of a successful marriage. But adversely you can also grow ‘out’ of each other, if the expectations of the other person are simply not met in a relationship, or the allowance of personal growth is stifled.
As the author of this work I (Barbara Harkness) acknowledge the moral rights to the above have been asserted with the copyright, designs and patents act 1988. If you wish to use any of my material you may contact me for permission